It all started on the fourth of July
by Amazon Life
Summary: It's the 4th of July, obviously. Foreman throws a barbecue. Remy is tipsy, can't control herself and ends up doing things she might regret later. I know, title sucks, and so does summary. I promise the story is better! Please, R&R! This is rated M, peeps!
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: **So, here I am again, with yet one more fic! Didn't I tell you it wouldn't be long?lol

This is quite different from the last one I wrote (_Tears_, if you'd like to check it out. I recommend! XD) The inspiration for this one came from Omar Epps' tweet about a July 4th barbecue. So, even though I'm not American and don't celebrate anything on this date, I'm writing kind of a commemorative fic, even thought it's late...

Also, I should warn you that, although I do have a few chapters planned on my mind, I don't really know where this is going, so it might seem a little insane... And probably OOC in some parts. *rolls eye *

Please note that, in spite of this first chapter, this is **not** a Cuddley fic.

As always, reviews of any kind are highly appreciated, as are ideas!

**Disclaimer: **Don't own House, Cuddy, Thirteen, Cameron, etc etc etc.

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It was a hot and sultry morning, the sun already up in the sky at 10 am. It was July, after all. The fourth, actually.

Not having any new cases, House's team had the day off to enjoy the holiday. So did Wilson and Cameron, the latter surprisingly not having to cover any ER shifts for the next two days.

Chase, however, wasn't that lucky, and had to spend that glorious day working. Cuddy, as the Dean, was also stuck inside PPTH. Consequently, neither of them would be able to enjoy the ongoing party.

Foreman had spent the whole previous week planning every detail of the barbecue he was throwing at his place, with Remy's help. Neither of them was extremely patriotic, but both enjoyed a good party and a chance to drink with some buddies, specially since the initial awkwardness had already been broken in Chase's bachelor party.

That meant that, apart from the food, they had also bought a considerable amount of beer, vodka, and other alcoholic supplies.

House was the first one to arrive, punctually at noon, eager for the chance of getting free booze, and expecting his ducklings to get tipsy enough for him to be able to extract from them information about their private lives that they were not willing to share while sober.

Taub followed, half an hour late, not accompanied by his wife, fact that already boosted House's curiosity. Wilson followed another half hour later. Cameron was the very last to arrive, a good two hours late, having debated until the last minute whether she should or shouldn't go, but having finally decided she didn't want to spend the holiday on her own, since her husband wouldn't be home until late at night.

As the day went on, they ate, drank (except for Cameron, since there wasn't any red wine, and this was the only poison she could take), made small talk about their coworkers and talked about interesting patients, now and then interrupted by House's cunning questions and remarks, which they sullenly ignored.

Around 5 pm, however, they were surprised by the arrival of one more guest: Dr. Cuddy, who had managed to take a break from her bureaucratic work in order to make an appearance at her employees' get-together. She was easily involved in the chat, and it took her a few moments to realize that one of the doctors who should definitely be there was missing.

"Foreman, where's Dr. Hadley?"

"Good question! She went inside to grab a few more bottles of beer, but that was at least ten minutes ago. I should go check if she needs any help."

"No, that's ok, I got it. I actually need to use your restroom..."

" Oh, alright. You go through that door over there, kitchen's on the right, restroom's by the end of the corridor."

Following his directions, Cuddy had no trouble finding the kitchen and the woman she was looking for. Remy was leaning on the sink, her back facing the door, and was clearly not grabbing any bottles. Her fists were clutched around the border of the sink, and Cuddy could see, even from a distance, that her chest was moving with fast and sharp breaths.

She approached the younger doctor and placed a hand on her shoulder. "Thirteen, are you feeling well? Are you feeling any dizziness, chest pains, anything?"

Remy didn't answer. Instead, she turned around so fast that the woman close to her almost lost her balance. Noticing that, the intern slid a hand across her boss' lower back, steadying her, in a split second. At the same time, her other hand held the older woman's head, bringing it closer.

It was all so fast that the Dean never had time to react. Before she knew, the girl's lips were against her own, pressing harshly, forcing her mouth open. Cuddy could even taste the alcohol in the other woman's tongue.

The sorter doctor pulled away will all her strength, still rather shocked by the audacity shown by House's female duckling. She slapped Thirteen hard on the left cheek, which caused her to wince in pain and let go of Cuddy completely.

"Dr. Hadley, that was highly inappropriate! I could even fire you for that, but I won't, simply because this is not our workplace and it's your day off. However, should you try anything like this again, I won't hesitate to do so! If my opinion matters for anything, I would advise you to use your alcohol-induced bravado to go and make out with the woman you really want to be with, and not with your superior!"

With that, the older doctor walked away, leaving a dumbstruck Thirteen behind. _'How the hell does she know who I want?'_

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**A/**N: Oh, expect some hotness ahead... If I am capable of writing that. lol

So, how was this for a start? Thoughts, anyone? *nudge*


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N:** Hey,everyone! How are you doing?

Thanks for the great reviews, once again! And sorry for the really short chapter! I'm having exams in Uni yet again, so things are a little busy right now... hopefully, I'll be done with Uni by July 31st, and will be able to write longer updates. =)

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Remy walked to the bathroom and watched her face, but, looking at herself in the mirror, realized it wasn't enough to improve her appearance. She didn't want to be in that party anymore, she couldn't stand facing the woman she craved to touch so badly that it was physically painful.

Walking out again, she headed towards where her colleagues were, noticing the Dean of Medicine was nowhere to be found.

"Eric, I'm not feeling well. I guess I had too much to drink on an empty stomach. I told you I'm not that much of a meat lover... I really need to go home. Sorry I'm not helping you clean up. Guys, sorry I've been such a lousy companion!"

"Remy, there's no way you can drive like this! Actually, I don't think any of us could drive you home either..."

"I can, I haven't drunk at all. Actually, with Thirteen gone, I'll be glad to leave too. I _really_ don't want to be the only female being hanging out with four drunk guys!"

Thirteen's heart almost stopped; it did skip at least one beat. It would be so hard for her to be able to hold herself back if she was forced to be alone in a car with Allison Cameron! She had to do something to avoid that situation, quickly.

"You know, that's really not necessary! If you won't let me drive, I'll just rest upstairs... I'm already starting to feel better, actually."

"Oh, come on! You look like crap... You wouldn't be able to get any proper rest with all the noise these guys are making. I'll drive you home, and that's settled. Let's go."

Not having much of a choice, it took Remy all her strength to move from her spot and follow Cameron to her car, and that action wasn't made any easier by the fact that she was trying to keep a certain distance from the blonde, in order not to do to her what she had just done to her boss' boss.

Once they were inside the car, things were even worse, since there was no way for the younger doctor to distance herself from the intoxicating flowery scent coming from the other woman. She held her grip tight on the door, and kept repeating to herself that Cameron was driving and couldn't be disturbed, 'cause that could risk both their lives. She was relieved to know that, at least, she had an excuse to be silent.

The older doctor, on the other hand, turned the radio on, and started singing to some tacky country song. Thirteen noticed how soft and sweet her voice was, but tried to push that thought away by focusing on the lyrics.

"Thirteen, I don't really know where you live..."

"Oh, sorry. Just follow on until we reach Harlow street, than turn right, and right again at Shotover street. My condo is in the second building on the left."

The brunette said all that in a single breath, once more avoiding the air intake as much as possible. The blonde, however, took it for nausea, or something similar.

They arrived at their destination, but Cameron did not simply stop near a sidewalk for the younger doctor to hop off. She started effectively parking the car.

"Erm... thank you very much for the ride, Cameron. I think I can go on from here, no need for you to waste any more time."

"Well, I don't really have anything else to do. Plus, we wouldn't want you to have to go to the ER on my day off now, would we?", the older woman winked at the younger, making her even more irresistible. "I think I'm staying until you get better. And no trying to fool me this time, I know you're not better yet."

Remy couldn't believe her ears. For a moment, she wondered whether she was actually having a dream... or a nightmare. '_There's no way I'll be able to be alone with Cameron inside my apartment and not embarrass myself beyond repairing!'_

"Cameron, I... uh, I really appreciate your concern, but that's not necessary at all. I'll be fine, really."

"I'm not discussing that. Now, will you be polite and take me upstairs, or will I have to spend the evening inside a car?"

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**A/N:** Soooo, that's it for today! I know, I did promise you some hotness... but that's gonna have to wait. I'll need a bit more time to write that decently. Lol

Anyways, bye bye everyone!


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: **Sooo, how're you doing? I hope everyone's fine out there.

And yeah, it's finally time for what I've been promising... lol Please note that this is the very first time I write Camteen secks, and the second time I write smut ever, so bear with me! XD

**Warning: **This chapter is, for obvious reasons, rated M. If you're not comfortable with sex between two adult women, feel free to leave. Aye?

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The taller woman led the way to her apartment. Opening the door, she headed to the couch, still trying to distance herself from her crush. Said crush, however, wasn't making things any easier: she closed the door behind her and went straight to the same couch, letting herself fall beside the intern.

"How uncouth of you, not even offering me a drink! But I'll forgive you for now, since I really like your place, and would love having an excuse to come back here."

_'Is it just my head, or is she actually flirting with me?Then again, she seems to flirt with basically everyone, so this might just be her normal self...'_

Internally debating, the new duckling decided, in the end, to follow Cuddy's advice. After all, she did have an excuse for weird behavior. Actually, now she had two: her real tipsiness and her alleged sickness.

Turning to her side, she brushed her lips against Cameron's, backing away after that to see the reaction she got.

"Thirteen..."

The voice saying her nickname showed hesitation. But the eyes looking back at her showed longing. And that was all she needed to see.

Again, Remy leaned forward, kissing the blonde harder this time. And the other woman kissed back.

Never breaking the kiss, the brunette knelt on the couch. Sliding her arms around the blonde's back, she lowered both their bodies so that they were now lying horizontally, with the taller doctor on top. Taken aback, Cameron had to break for air.

"Thirteen, what are you doing?"

In spite of the question, her voice conveyed more confusion, and even a slight impatience, than surprise or fear.

The intern didn't answer immediately, instead sliding her hand inside the older doctor's blouse, up her stomach, until she reached her breast, which she squeezed gently over her bra, eliciting a moan from the woman beneath her.

"You know exactly what I'm doing... And you want it, don't you?"

"I...shouldn't."

Thirteen unclasped the smaller woman's bra and raised her blouse to expose both breasts, nibbling and sucking one nipple while rolling the other one between her thumb and index finger.

This caused Cameron to gasp loudly and grip the brunette's shoulders with both her hands, digging her long nails into the fabric and the sensitive flesh beneath it.

Remy gasped in surprise, quite pleased at the response she was getting.

"But you do want this, don't you, Cameron? You want this as much as I do."

"Yes, I... I wants this. I want it so much."

With that confirmation, the younger doctor reached lower, unzipping the other woman's jeans and causing her to take sharp breaths every time her fingers as little as brushed against the skin oh her pelvis.

At the same time, she kissed and nibbled the blonde's neck. She was getting wetter and wetter with every moan her partner emitted. Slowly, Thirteen slid one hand inside her colleague's panties, moving the other one back to teasing her nipple.

"Thirteen, please..."

The older doctor's whole body quivered with pleasure as she felt one finger pressing her clit.

"Don't do this to me..."

"Don't do what?", the more experienced woman asked, suddenly afraid the other girl would back off. She didn't, however, stop running her fingers up and down her already soaked folds.

"Don't make me... wait... any longer", she said, raising her hips to demonstrate what she was talking about. But Remy wasn't taking it; she wanted to hear the words.

"Don't make you wait for what, Cameron?", the brunette asked, even though she already knew the answer. While speaking, she teased her lover some more by pinching one of her nipples with her nails, causing her to gasp and moan at the same time, almost choking on her own breath, which made Remy chuckle lightly.

"Thirteen, you know... I- I want it... I need it so badly!"

The blonde could hardly articulate anything, desire clouding all her ability to think and speak coherently. Besides, she wasn't really helped by the fact that her fellow chose that exact time to stroke her clit just for a few seconds, then stop it. Realizing that, the replacement duckling decided to help.

"Allison Cameron, do you want me to fuck you?"

"Y-yes... yes!"

"Then just say it!", the younger doctor demanded, once more pressing the ER-attendant's nub and letting go way too quickly for the other woman's liking.

"Fuck me, Thirteen! Please, fuck me!"

Two fingers immediately entered the older doctor's already soaked opening, the intern pumping in and out of her as fast as she could, a scream accompanying every thrust.

"Don't stop... please!"

"Never intended to."

Thirteen knew her lover was so close to coming. To help that, she lowered her mouth and caught one of her nipples between her teeth, noticing how that pleased Cameron, and, at the same time, proceeded to massage her clit, never stopping the continuous movement of her fingers

Seconds later, she felt muscles tightening around her fingers, and the body beneath her shuddering as spasms of pleasure washed it over and over again.

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**A/N: **Aaaand that was it for now. But there may be more to come, whenever Uni allows me to write it. Lol

Anyways, please let me know how that went!!!


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N:** Hey, guys! Sorry for the delay in this update. I'm still quite busy with exams, because, apparently, my class prefers to take only one or two each week and spend almost two months in tests than to get it over with quickly... Anyways, they''ll be over on Friday, which means... HOLIDAYS for me! Woot!

As for this chapter, I kind of had two versions for it: one with smut, one without it. As last chapter had sort of a good response, I'm opting for the first one (which would be the immediate continuation of the last chapter, since I've received complaints about it being too short *****wink***)**. LOL

Which means this is the right time to leave if you don't like it. Next chapter will probably be smut-less, don't worry.

As always, reviews are soooo cool! XD

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Remy waited for her partner to go back to herself, and gently eased her fingers out of her. Shifting herself on the couch, she moved downwards the blonde's body. Slowly, she removed her co-workers jeans and panties, placing her head between her spread thighs.

Holding them apart, the younger woman started placing kisses along their inner side. After doing that to both thighs and eliciting a new succession of moans from the other doctor, the new duckling finally reached the spot between them.

Sticking her tongue out, she moved it up and down her lover's folds, licking all of her juices. The older woman reached down and grasped locks of brown hair, keeping a good hold of them and pressing the brunette's head down. Again, pleasure built up inside herself, and she knew she couldn't take it for much longer without exploding.

"Oh, Thirteen.. please, go on... make me come", she pleaded with her partner, hoping things would be easier this time.

The taller woman knew she had already tortured the other one enough the first time around, so she decided to be kinder to her for a change. In the end, she was actually asking nicely...

Closing her mouth around the blonde's clit, she sucked it fiercely, flicking her tongue over it from time to time. When she could already feel the muscles pulsing, she used her teeth to nib it lightly, sending shivers up the older woman's spine.

This was enough to make her shake violently with yet another orgasm, screaming her companion's nickname incessantly.

It took Cameron a good few minutes to be able to control herself enough to let go of the brunette's head and allow her to climb up again and lie beside her on the couch.

Remy lay on her side and slid an arm around the blonde's shoulder, draping the other arm loosely across her stomach. Her hand traced loop-like patterns on the soft skin, and her lips brushed the smaller woman's cheek lightly.

"Thirteen, that was... amazing."

"Really? Worth more than a 7?"

"Absolutely! I'd say something around a 20 out of 10. Either you improved a lot over the last months, or I'm way easier to please than Spencer", the ER-attendant answered with a smirk.

The younger woman blushed visibly. It still annoyed her that a simple one-night stand gave her just a grade 7, and it annoyed her even more to know that House had spread that fact to the whole hospital, specially to a certain female doctor. Now, she felt relieved that she got to make up for the bad impression said doctor might've had about her.

"Is Chase that good?"

"Wow, Thirteen! Thanks for reminding me that I've just cheated on my husband, and totally ruining this moment!"

The intern mentally kicked herself for not being able to keep her mouth shut.

"I'm sorry, Cameron. I didn't intend to..."

"No, it was good that you did so. I've a husband who will be home soon. It's about time I get going."

Before Remy could stop her, Allison had already gotten up and was dressing herself as fast as she could. She wouldn't know what to tell her anyway, so she just watched the woman walk out of her door.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: **So, as I said in the first chapter, I didn't have a clue where this was going. I still don't, but at least I had ideas for the next couple of chapters. Lol

Again, please review, give your opinions and make suggestions!

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Cameron was shaking when she reached her car. She couldn't believe she had just cheated on her husband of only two months. Worse, she couldn't believe she had cheated on him with a woman!

_'I have fallen in love before, and still couldn't find it in me to cheat. What is it about this woman that makes me just lose control? I don't love her like I loved Joe, I barely know her! But then again, I don't love Chase like I loved Daniel.'_

It wasn't that she didn't love her current husband; she did. But it was nowhere as deep as it had been with her first, deceased husband.

In a way, it hadn't really been her _choice_ to be with Chase. She did find him attractive and sweet, but she would've done just fine keeping things casual. It was always him who wanted to get serious, him who kept running after her, _chasing_ her. And she had finally accepted him, after a very long time, and tried to talk her own self into loving him, simply because she was getting tired of being alone.

The doctor realized she was driving very, very slowly, because, truly, she didn't want to get home. The blonde didn't know how she would be able to face her husband after what she had just done. She was sure he would notice the difference in her body, and would know. But, scarily, although she did feel a bit ashamed at her infidelity, the woman didn't regret anything.

It was true she had never slept with a woman before, never kissed a woman before, and the fact that it had happened while she was married was a bit overwhelming, but she wasn't exactly shocked by that. Since she was a teenager, Cameron had felt at least a slight attraction to other girls, and it had already been years since she first acknowledged she was bisexual. She just hadn't had the guts to act on her feeling, afraid of being rejected, until that day.

Also, her attraction to Thirteen wasn't newfound. She had noticed the brunette the first time she had seen her around PPTH, and secretly wished House didn't fire her during his game/bizarre selection process.

The older women had been intrigued by the younger one's mysterious ways from the start, and hoped she could get closer to her and inside the protection cloak she drew around her. Allison had been impressed by her apparent calm and self-confidence, and by her lack of fear to face House and even scold him. Most of all, she had liked the fact that the new duckling had refused to play games that could undermine a fellow doctor (her own self, by the way), just to fulfill House's wishes and demands.

Then, she heard Thirteen had Huntington's, and admired her even more for not giving up. It's true, she did get a little disappointed with the other doctor after finding out she was, in fact, kind of giving up, clubbing and doing drugs and making out with strangers. But the fact that those strangers were girls somehow pleased her, and Cameron realized that, deep down, what upset her the most was the fact that her replacement was looking somewhere else for company, instead of noticing the blonde who wanted desperately to be close to her.

After that, the brunette almost got killed, and Allison had decided that, if Dr. Hadley came out of that room alive, she would stop hiding her feelings for her. But she was too late: at the same time that Remy decided to live, she also decided to let Foreman enter her life. Foreman, not her. At that time, it seemed to the blonde that the two of them happened to dispute almost everything. And, on two very remarkable occasions, Foreman had won.

So, Cameron had simply given up and decided to accept Chase's attention, although their relationship was highly unstable, and there were times she couldn't even stand being around him.

Reaching their condo, the woman hoped she would at least have time to shower before her husband arrived. Fortunately, she did, as Chase only arrived when his wife was already in her nightgown, reading in bed.

He had brought them dinner, which they ate while exchanging information about the day at the hospital and the barbecue.

The couple, then, went to bed and had sex. But Allison had her eyes closed through all of it, and, as she came, she was thinking of Remy.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: **Sooo... should I go on with this? I'm not sure whether it's still entertaining… Please, let me know if you still want to read more of this, or if I'd better move on to some other project! Lol

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Feeling too tired to get up, Thirteen slept on the couch, not even bothering to undress. She woke up the next day with a terrible headache.

Realizing her boyfriend hadn't even cared to call and ask how she was doing, the brunette called Foreman herself, simply to find out that his hangover was even worse than hers. Obviously, said hangover made both doctors cranky, which caused them to argue, and the girl to hang up on her partner with a sigh.

_'There are times when I can't seem to remember why the hell I'm with him! But then again, he should be angrier than I am. He just didn't call me; I cheated on him… with Cameron.'_

The mere memory of the previous night made the young woman shiver. She wondered whether the blonde had said anything to her husband. She hoped she hadn't, but the other doctor's moral principles didn't help increasing her hopes. The problem was: if she did, Chase was bound to tell Foreman, and that wouldn't be pretty.

For a moment, Remy wondered whether it would be better if she told him herself, but in the end decided to try her luck, at least until she had a chance to see how Chase and Cameron were interacting with each other, so that she could draw her conclusions. Surprisingly (or not), the lady found herself thinking she didn't really care if her boyfriend would be pissed or not.

It's not like she had fooled him. The young doctor had always made it very clear that she didn't love her colleague, nor was she even in love with him, for that matter. She had also always admitted that she missed being with women. The only thing she was keeping from him was that she had actually been with another woman while dating him… and that this woman was their co-worker.

Remembering that fact, the brunette wondered how things were going to be like the next day at the hospital. She just hoped they would have a case, so that House wouldn't send her to the ER. She didn't think she would be able to sustain her indifferent façade if face-to-face with the blonde attendant.

Although Remy would hate to admit it, she did care about Cameron. She did feel towards her more that simple sexual desire. If she didn't, she wouldn't feel kinda fresh whenever the older doctor was around; she wouldn't blush whenever said doctor talked to her; she wouldn't find it so hard to keep her eyes away from her; she wouldn't feel so jealous of her husband; she wouldn't have been so hurt when Cameron left her to be with Chase the night before.

No, she didn't just _want_ her female co-worker; she actually _liked_ her. And that, unfortunately, was already more than she could say about her boyfriend.

Thirteen, then, answering her own question, remembered exactly why she was with him: because he had cared for her, he had fought for her; and no one had done that in a very long time. She had been pushing other people away for so long, and they had just taken it, but he didn't; he tried to break her barriers. And, after so many years alone, her loneliness was already starting to get to her, and she secretly craved for someone to keep her company. He had made her feel special by his efforts to come closer; he had made her feel she was worth someone's attention.

In the end, the girl realized she had actually never chosen to be with him specifically. She had allowed herself to let someone in, and he was the only one who had tried to do so. _He_ chose her, only God knows why, and she complied.

With Cameron, however, things were different. She had felt attracted to her, basically due to her obvious gorgeousness, since she first saw the ex-duckling. Then, she had heard lots of things about her: that she was so caring, so righteous, so tender with her patients, so sweet to everyone. And she could clearly remember thinking she wanted to be her patient, just to have the blonde looking after her.

But then, there was Spencer, and her wild and reckless lifestyle had been displayed right before the older doctor's eyes. Thirteen had feared facing her for a long while after that, afraid of seeing once more the look she had received from her when admitting she didn't even know the name of the woman she was with.

Then, she was almost killed. She started the drug trial. She started seeing Foreman, and pushed the blonde, the _straight_ blonde, for all she knew, out of her mind, specially after she got married.

But, truth was, Foreman was never more than a hole-filler for her. It was never him she had wanted to be with.

And now, she knew Cameron wasn't exactly that straight. She just didn't know how to act on that knowledge, since the girl had made quite clear she had absolutely no intentions of leaving her husband. Remy wondered, for a moment, whether Chase would be willing to share, or whether Cameron would be willing to continue seeing her secretly, but didn't think either option was likely to happen.

After all, although she liked the blonde, nothing told her it was mutual. Their interactions had never showed anything other than a cordial professional relationship, except for the last one, which, despite having displayed some serious sexual tension, didn't exactly convey any feelings.

Trying to change the subject of her thoughts, the brunette proceeded to cook herself some lunch, intending to read something to busy her mind afterwards.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: **So, apparently, starting a new series gave me some inspiration for this one as well. Go figure... Anyway, this is not exactly the way I wanted it to be, but it's still better than nothing, right?

I should warn you that Foreman is an ass, and Thirteen is quite PMS-y. lol

As always, reviews are extremely welcome! XD

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The next day was a workday again for both Remy and Allison. The blonde had, over the previous day, decided she'd look for her female coworker and try to talk to her. In the end, it wasn't entirely the brunette's fault that Cameron felt attracted to her, or that she felt bad for having sex with someone other than her husband. She hadn't, after all, forced her to do anything; she had submitted out of her own will.

It also wasn't Thirteen's fault that their interaction had made the older doctor question herself about her marriage and about how much she really wanted to be with her husband.

The new duckling, however, wasn't in the best of moods. Being forced to work alongside her boyfriend who, obviously, still hadn't apologized for being a jerk, she had the firm intention to at least avoid the blonde ER doctor at all costs, since she didn't think she could handle the inevitable (or so she thought) argument that would follow.

Thus, Thirteen avoided all public places like the doctor's lounge and the cafeteria, only entering the latter quickly to grab some food and coffee, and then heading to her secret refuge in PPTH: the rooftop, which, at that time of the year, had the upside of gifting her with a cool breeze.

_'This feels like high school all over again! But, thankfully, I at least have a place nicer that the toilet to hide in...'_

When her lunchtime was over, the young doctor returned to the diagnostics room, only to find Foreman sitting there, alone. She was about to turn on her heels and walk somewhere else, when the man spotted her and their gazes met.

"Remy, where have you been?"

"Having lunch", she replied dryly.

"I've just left the cafeteria and you weren't there."

"Never said I was."

The nonchalant answer was enough to annoy the male doctor, which was actually what his female counterpart wanted. "Are you avoiding me?"

"But of course not! Why in the world would I be?", she answered, in the most sarcastic tone she could muster.

"I don't know, Remy. I really don't know."

"Well, you should, Eric. Or maybe you shouldn't, and it's my mistake to assume you would actually care about your girlfriend. If that's the case, I'm not really sure I _want_ to be your girlfriend at all."

"Are you breaking up with me?". At this point, Foreman was o the verge of shouting, not being used to getting dumped, and not really believing that anyone could possibly be unsatisfied with him.

"Yes, Eric. I guess I am."

"You- you can't do this!"

"Actually, I can. I don't love you, I've always let that clear. You don't love me, either. You wanted the conquest, the thrill of making me open up to you, let you in. You got it, you lost interest. You barely talk to me anymore. We should've split up long ago. In fact, we shouldn't ever have been together in the first place."

With that, the intern stormed out of the room, deciding she'd rather wait for the rest of the team outside than stay for one mere second in the presence of her – now – ex-boyfriend. At least now she didn't have to worry about him finding out she had slept with Cameron...

Unfortunately, however, she had the worst possible timing, turning the corner at the exact same time as said doctor, who was coming from the opposite direction and walking towards the diagnostics office. They bumped onto each other, both losing their balance and almost falling to the floor.

"I'm sorry, I...", before she could finish her apology, Thirteen saw who had been on her way. "Oh, crap. All that I needed right now."

"_Oh, crap_? Is that your reaction to meeting me, Dr. Hadley? Too bad, 'cause I was hoping we could talk."

"Cameron... listen. I'm not in the mood for any talking right now. So let's go with that: if you're here to tell me that can never happen again or something along those lines, don't waste your saliva. I was drunk, I'm sorry for that, ok? I won't get near you again. Now, if you're here to tell me that you _do_ want it to happen again, answer is still the same: I won't get near you again. You should be with your husband; I'm not going to be a part of your lesbian experiment. Is that all? Now, have a nice day, Dr. Cameron."

And, just like that, Allison found herself standing alone in the middle of the corridor. _'Wow, that went bad. And I didn't even say anything...'_

However, as bad as it had been, what the younger doctor said had an effect that not even she was aware of when she spoke that words. That effect wasn't visible at all, but was fully manifested inside the blonde's head, by one simple question that wouldn't leave her mind for the rest of that day: _'Do I want that to happen again?'_


	8. Chapter 8

Allison Cameron sat on the bench inside the locker room. She couldn't bring herself to get up and go home, as that would mean being face to face with her husband, and he was certainly not the person she wanted to be with at that moment. There was no way she would be able to look him in the eye. Not when the person occupying her thoughts throughout that whole day hadn't been him, but Remy Hadley. Not after realizing she felt more attracted to her female colleague than she ever had to Robert, although she did find him handsome and kind. Not after it had struck her that she did want to be with Thirteen again and again and again.

She hadn't given that possibility much thought, until the intern brought it up and that was all she could think about. The epiphany had come the hard way: not through some spontaneous soulsearching, but after noticing just how hurt she had felt when the younger woman said she'd never touch her again. If she didn't want her proximity, need it even, she wouldn't have been bothered by that declaration, she supposed. That and the fact that she felt her whole body quiver, when the girl had brushed her arm against her when going past her earlier that day, and had to use all her self control not to touch her, sort of did the trick for her.

Cameron squeezed her eyes shut and wished all that situation would just be solved when she opened them again. She was good at dealing with external crisis, but the internal, emotional ones had always been hard for her. Somehow, she always seemed to be involved in moral dilemmas, such as the current one: cheat on her husband and pray he'll never find out, leave (and consequently hurt) him, stay with him even though she wanted someone else (simply because it was the safest choice)? If things went on as they were, she was going for the latter, as Dr. Hadley had made it clear there was no chance that they were going to be together. _'But what if I left him, would that change her answer? What if I leave him for her, and she still doesn't want me?' _The blonde wished she could ask the other woman all those questions, but the intern didn't seem like she was going to listen, taking by her attitude that afternoon.

Knowing she couldn't just sit there forever, Allison psychologically prepared herself to go home. Opening her eyes, however, she was surprised to find out she wasn't alone anymore. The object of her musings was leaning on a locker, her eyes set on her. They looked at each other for a few moments, each trying to read the other, to find out what was going though their minds, but finding it impossible to convey. Finally, Cameron broke the silence.

"And we meet again, Dr. Hadley". Her tone was as neutral as she could muster, and that was, surprisingly, a lot. "I take it you're calmer now."

"Cameron, I'm sorry. I'm not having a good day, but that's not an excuse to take it out on you. Not that I didn't mean what I said; I did. I just... I shouldn't have been so rude."

The blonde was able to keep her face very straight, not portraying any of her emotions. "Actually, what you said was unnecessary at all. All I was going to say earlier was that I'm sorry I left you alone, after having promised I'd stay with you until you were feeling better."

"Oh". The brunette, for once, was speechless, and blushed visibly after realizing she had made a complete fool of herself.

Getting up from the bench, Cameron leaned the locker next to Remy's, crossing her arms and looking at her intently. The younger woman shifted herself so that she wasn't resting her back against the locker, but her arm. That way, both women were facing each other.

"But, since you brought that up... why was that your answer?"

"Excuse me?"

"Why did you suppose I was going to say either that I wanted or that I didn't want it to happen again, and why did you say _you_ didn't want it either way?"

"Because I'm tired of it, Cameron. Of girls like you."

"Girls like me?"

"Yeah, girls who are so fucking sexy that they can have anyone they want. They have their boys at home, but are not satisfied and decide to try something new. So they come and make it impossible for me not to want them. Believe me, I've been there before. And afterwards, there's just two possibilities: either they break my heart right away, saying they don't wanna see me again, or they break my heart later on, when they get tired of playing with me and decide that it was all just an experiment, and simply go back to their guys. Either way, I'm the one who's gonna feel bad in the end. And I've learned my lesson: better safe then sorry. You're not gonna trick me, 'cause I'm not letting you."

"Remy..."

The use of her first name startled the brunette. She couldn't help but noticing how good it sounded in Allison's voice, and how she wished the blonde would call her like that more frequently. Cameron didn't miss the fact that her companion's expression softened visibly, and took that as her chance to rest a hand gently on her arm.

"I'm sorry that you've been through that... But how can you know that I'm like those girls who did that to you?"

"You're married."

"And?"

"And you really want me to believe that I'm not just an adventure for you? Even if you tell me you're on a break or whatever, you'll get tired of me, and you'll go back to him. Because that's what you should do. Because he loves you and cares for you, and you'd be stupid to throw that away for a crazy, damaged, dying girl."

"My fame hasn't reached you yet? House's doing a very poor job on gossiping about my life. He used to be better at it."

"Actually, it did. The first time we talked after I was diagnosed, he told me I should court you. In fact, he said I only had to tell you that my mother died when I was young and that I was dying, and you'd love me. One more reason why this is not going to work out."

Thirteen could see the hurt in the other doctor's eyes as soon as she said those words, and wished she could take them back, but rationalized that, even if she could, she shouldn't. However, she couldn't stand seeing her sadness anymore, so she freed her arm from Cameron's hand and shifted herself, returning to her original position.

"Remy, please don't do this... Don't judge me like that, don't pretend you know everything about me just because you've seen and heard a few things!"

The brunette closed her eyes. Having them open, even when she wasn't facing the blonde anymore, wasn't helping at all: she could still see something shine on her coworker's cheeks, and she had the distinct suspicion that it was tears streaking down her face. When she spoke again, her voice was clearly gentler.

"Allison, what do you want?"

The ER attending lowered her head and let out a sigh, hoping to make her voice less shaky. "I want... you."

Silence. Deep silence. No movement. Two hearts thumping for seconds and minutes that seemed more like years.

"I'm sorry."

The taller doctor grabber her purse and walked away, never stopping to look behind: that would've broken her heart beyond repair.

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**A/N: **Aaaaand... drama ensues! Teehee. I'm mean, aren't I? Please, don't be too angry in your reviews. =P


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: **Hey, you! First of all, I'd like to thank everyone who's been reading this story, reviewing, adding to favorites, alerts, etc. You guys really keep me going! This is officially the longest chapter in my longest story so far. =)

Secondly, I'm sorry for taking so long to update. I've been having a rough week at work, so I'm not getting that much free time to write. That and the fact that I'm working on 3 fics at the same time and don't want to leave any of them unattended made me stay a whole week without updating this one. I hope you can be understanding and not kill me. Lol

Also, not spellchecked, because I'm lazy and want to post this quickly. If you find any mistakes, let me know!

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Cameron couldn't move from her spot in the locker room. She just watched the brunette doctor leave, behind the curtains of tears that filled her eyes. Sitting down again, she let herself cry all that she wanted. Then, after having calmed down, she got into action.

That's how things had ever worked for her: whenever something bad happened, whenever she was sad, she would give herself some time to recover; she would respect her limits, not push herself too hard, and allow herself to cry and express her sadness. But she never allowed herself to sink, to wallow in self-pity or anything similar: she always knew it would do no good. As soon as she was feeling stronger, she'd do something about her problem, or, when there wasn't anything she could do to solve it, she'd at least do something productive.

That's what she did when her then fiancé was diagnosed with cancer; that's what she did when her husband died, when she consciously decided to let a patient die, when she had been rejected by Remy Hadley. She wasn't going to just do nothing and accept it, if there was anything she could do.

Getting up, the blonde left the room, walking across the lobby. On her way out, she met one of her coworkers. Not the one she would like to see, but another one who made her realize her plan had a flaw: the person she wanted to talk to might not actually be alone. Thinking fast, she decided asking could be a good idea, specially since the other doctor was coming her way.

"Cameron, hey!"

"Hi, Foreman. How are you doing?"

"Fine, I guess. You?"  
"Fine too. So, are you going to Re- Thirteen's tonight?", Allison corrected herself in time, and looked relieved by the fact that Foreman hadn't noticed she was about to call her by her first name. She tried to look uninterested in the answer, hoping she'd convince him.

"What? No!", the doctor nearly shouted. Seeing the surprise in the blonde's face, however, he continued. "Sorry, it's just... we argued and she broke up with me this afternoon, but it's not your fault. So no, I'm not going there. Why?"

Suddenly, everything made sense to the ER doctor: Foreman's current bad mood, Thirteen's bad mood from earlier, her statement that she'd had a bad day... And she realized there might be hope, after all. What if the brunette hadn't broken up with her boyfriend only because of their argument? What were the chances of her having anything to do with it?

Not wanting to get very invested and realizing the man before her was waiting for an answer, she thought of a quick white lie that would satisfy him.

"It's nothing, really. She forgot her jacket in the locker room, so I thought you might give it to her, but I'll do it myself tomorrow, then. Night, Foreman."

"Night, Cameron."

Knowing her way was free, the woman drove to Dr. Hadley's condo, where she'd been just three days before. When she thought abut how many things had changed in her mind and life during those days, they certainly felt more like a lifetime.

She knocked on the door once, twice, three times. When she was about to turn around, devastated, thinking the younger doctor was clubbing or something, she heard movement inside the apartment. Seconds later, the door was unlocked and opened.

"Who... what are you doing here?"

"You're drunk!"

"Not yet. I was on my way there, but you're keeping me from reaching my destination", the words were slurred enough for Cameron to tell she was really, really close to getting there. "Go away."

"I won't. If you think you can go back to your self-destructive habits just because you're single, you're wrong."

"How do you... wait, what are you doing here anyway? Foreman sent you to spy on me?"

"No, he didn't. I came out of my own will. He just happened to mention the fact that you dumped him. Now will you please let me in so that I can make you some coffee?"

With a grunt and a mumbling of something that sounded terribly like _'come all the way here just to rain on my parade'_, the brunette stepped aside and allowed her colleague to enter. Allison went straight to the kitchen, remembering its location from her previous visit, and proceeded to browse through the shelves until she found everything needed to make the desired beverage. Thirteen simply sat on a stool inside the kitchen, watching her companion.

When the drink was ready, Cameron filled two mugs with it, handing one to the younger woman and keeping one for herself, as she sat on the stool next to Remy's. Both women sipped the coffee slowly.

"Why are you here?"

"I'm here because... I want you."

"You said that already. Nothing's changed in the last two hours or so."

"It has. I didn't know, two hours ago, that you broke up with your boyfriend today. Which is highly interesting, because he cares about you. According to the logic you used earlier, you should stay with him for that reason."

Raising her eyes from the mug in her hands, the younger doctor looked at the other's face intently before answering.

"He doesn't care, he only pretends to. Plus, that logic's not applicable to my situation."

"How convenient, Dr. Hadley!"

"Dr. Cameron, thank you for the coffee, but I'm really not in the mood for word games. Do you have anything else to say? 'Cause if you don't", the brunette said wearily, getting up from her seat, "I'd like to ask you to leave me alone."

The blonde also hopped of from the chair, but, instead of heading to the door, took two steps towards the taller doctor, standing only inches away from her. Slowly, she ghosted her fingers up the length of her coworker's arm, continuing on her shoulder, collarbone, neck, jaw and ending right under her chin. A shiver ran down the brunette's spine, which didn't go unnoticed by the older woman.

Leaning closer, the shorter girl positioned her mouth close to the other's ear, whispering into it. "You don't really want me to leave, do you?"

The reaction was so fast that Allison never even saw it coming. Before she knew, she was pressed with her back against a wall, the weight of Thirteen's body against hers holding her in place, one hand pushing her hip, the other forcing her face up so that their eyes were locked. The situation should be exactly the one she wanted, but it wasn't. The hardness of the stare directed at her was actually scaring her.

"Don't. Don't tempt me, Cameron. Just... don't. If you have anything inside your brain, any drop of judgment left, you'll turn around and leave as soon as I let go of you". Her voice let no doubt that it wasn't an option, but a command. Looking into the blonde's eyes to make sure she had understood (and getting the confirmation she needed when said eyes widened), Hadley released the older woman, stepping away from her and turning to face the opposite wall.

Cameron felt her legs tremble and her heart race. She wondered whether she'd be able to move like that, but found out she, surprisingly, could. With one last glance on the brunette's direction, the petite woman saw she was still looking away. Exhaling heavily, she walked away.

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**A/N:** Ok, if you weren't going to kill me for taking some time to update, you're going to kill me now, aren't you? *hires a bodyguard*

J/k, I hope you like it. =)

Just a shoutout to **Vanamo**: I suppose that wasn't exactly what you had in mind when you suggested Thirteen should go after Cameron and swing her around, was it? LOL Anyway, thanks for the idea. XD


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: **Hey, everyone! So, I know I told you I wouldn't write anything before I came back from my trip, but apparently, I worked so hard last week that I could finish by Monday all the tasks I had to complete until Thursday (about which I was worried, since I'd only really have until Wednesday to do everything). Which means I had two whole days of doing nothing at work. XD Go me! I guess I work way better and faster when I'm desperate. LOL

So yes, here's one more chapter. Tell me what you think about it, please! =)

And yay, I'll be leaving in about 5 hours! \o/

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Remy stood in the middle of her kitchen, unable to move. She had used all her willpower to refrain herself from doing what she really wanted to do, and that had left her feeling completely drained. She regretted drinking the coffee Cameron had made her: if she was still drunk, she would barely remember what had just happened, and it would be easy to just go to sleep.

But no, she was sober. Her mind wouldn't let her sleep for anything in this world, and the brunette couldn't, for the life of her, stop thinking about Allison Cameron. She had been so close to kissing her, so close to fucking her again, but had stopped herself on time.

And, although her body still ached from the brief contact it had had with the blonde's, her mind knew she did the best thing. She couldn't afford to get involved with her.

Walking to the sink, the intern splashed some water on her face, sighing deeply. She finally willed herself to walk towards the living room, sitting on the couch. _'This is where we did it...'_ It was useless trying to push the thoughts away while inside her apartment: the whole place reminded her of the slightly older woman.

Grabbing her keys, Hadley walked out and into the evening breeze, heading to the park. She sat on a bench, letting the warm wind toy with her face and hair.

She couldn't believe she had allowed herself to go that far. With Foreman, she had the excuse of being lonely and needy, plus the fact that, in spite of being with him, she had never cared too deeply for him; she had accepted what he had to give, and given him what he wanted, which was basically sex and the proud feeling that he was able to break her barriers.

And that was what _she_ wanted as well: if they didn't get that involved with each other, he wouldn't be able to hurt her, and, on his turn, wouldn't be hurt by her disease.

With Cameron, however, it was different. She was actually falling for her, and that couldn't be any good. For any of them. It was just a matter of which of them would be hurt the worse. In the most likely situation, Cameron was playing her; she was simply desiring her, lusting after her, and that fire would soon die, as it usually did. In the less likely picture, the blonde might actually like her; she might leave her husband to be with her, hurt him in the process, and she herself would be hurt either by Thirteen's inability to hold onto a relationship (she had never, ever done it for too long) or by her oncoming insanity.

The mental image of the ER doctor taking care of her in her final days brought tears to her eyes, and she knew that this was exactly what she was looking for: someone who would care for her, who wouldn't abandon her (differently from what she had done with her mother, and exactly what Cameron had done to her first husband), someone who would teach her how to love and trust again.

Except, for her, it was all merely a fantasy. Because, every time she had allowed herself to lean on someone, she had been let down, and now, she was afraid to try it again. There was no reason why it wouldn't be any different with the blonde.

She knew she couldn't go on with it. Even if she had to look for another job in order not to meet her colleague, she would do it. She had to be strong. After all, she had already done it year after year; she could do it one more time. Still, it had never been so painful.

Feeling more alone than ever, the intern rested her forehead on her palms, allowing her tears to fall down.

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With her legs still trembling, Cameron got to the parking lot close to Remy's condo and entered her car, finally allowing herself to breath properly. Her mind tried to grasp all that had happened in the last few minutes, but couldn't: it always stopped in the expression she saw in the brunette's eyes.

When she felt her body being jerked against a wall, she had actually felt relieved. She thought she would finally get what she wanted. Actually, not everything she wanted, because she wasn't chasing the intern just for sex. But hell, even angry sex would be better than nothing, way better than being rejected like she had been. And not just once, but three times in the same day.

It hadn't been anything like that, though. She was prepared to look into the cobalt-blue eyes and see desire, hunger, the way she had seen a few days ago, but what she saw was quite different. It was a mixture of anger and pain and strictness, and something she couldn't even convey in words. She felt scared by that intensity, and hadn't dared to disobey Thirteen's command, even though she desperately wanted to.

She wanted to tell her, to show her that she was wrong about her, that she didn't think the younger woman was just some kind of reckless fun, that she didn't get the whole picture. And damn, that was just so unfair! When she had finally been able, with Dr. Hadley's help, to let go of her always composed and controlled manners and actually surrender to her desire, when she could actually admit to her own self that she wasn't happy with her husband and that the one she really wanted was her female coworker, things had gone that way.

Still, she couldn't help but noticing the duckling had never actually denied the fact that she wanted her. She had said that she'd never touch her again, that there was no way it would work out, that Allison should be with her husband, that she didn't believe the blonde actually liked her... but never that Thirteen herself didn't want her colleague. In fact, judging by her behavior three days ago, one could suppose she did at least desire her.

And hadn't she told Cameron not to tempt her? It wouldn't be a temptation if she didn't really feel the urge to give in, would it? But the word "temptation" also meant there was something wrong about giving in, something that shouldn't happen. Why would the younger doctor feel so strongly about wanting to be with her, or about not allowing herself to? Was all that coming from her fear of being hurt again?

Somehow, that possibility made Allison' heart ache with compassion for the young doctor. She had been through so much with her family already; she definitely deserved to be spared on her love life. But apparently, she hadn't.

The blonde wished she could take all that pain from her, erase the memory of all her past disappointments. She wished she could be there for her whenever she needed someone, and show her that it was possible. She had seen it before, in theory and in practice (both in patients and, specially, in her own life): people who hadn't received much love, who had been let down various times tended to think they couldn't actually be loved; after being hurt one too many times, they simply gave up.

Cameron had come from a structured family, but that didn't mean there weren't things she resented. For instance, the fact that she had always been the nerdy kind, and her parents had always made it clear that they'd prefer her to be a cheerleader than a mathlete, or the fact that boys approached her for her looks rather than by her intelligence, and often left her when they found out she had brains. The very first time someone reciprocated her feelings, this mad had died, and it had hurt as bad as the lack of love, if not worse.

That's why she'd also been afraid to commit to anyone for so long after that. She knew exactly how Remy felt, where she was going, and how hard it was to walk out of that path. But she also knew how to do it. Actually, she knew both sides: how to allow herself to trust someone again, and how to make someone trust her.

The first one, she knew from practice: she had done it completely with Daniel, and at least partially with Robert, as, although she didn't exactly love him, she had agreed to share her life with him. The second, she learned exactly from those men. Daniel had been so sweet to her, so kind, caring about her even when he was the sick one; he had accepted her for what she was and showed her love, making her feel safe to open up. Robert had been persistent, reminding her all the time that he had no intention of giving up and leaving her alone; true, it had been annoying at first, but even when she snapped at him, she had felt at least a bit fuzzy inside, knowing that someone would put up with that much just for a chance of being with her.

She knew exactly what she had to do. She couldn't give up. Even if she had to re-create her own version of Tuesdays, she'd get to Thirteen somehow. Feeling more confident about herself, the ER doctor headed home at last, bracing herself for the confrontation she would have to go through.

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**A/N:** Yeah, I know some of you won't be entirely happy with this chapter. It's got way less action that the previous ones. But I feel the need for some introspective chapters now and then, so that I can work on the motives behind their actions and such... So, that's what this is. =)


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N:** Not an update in over 20 days... I'm becoming relapse. Lol

Well, not really. I've just been really busy with exams and work and some family trouble. And my inspiration has somewhat decreased due to all that. So this chap is quite short. Better short that none, though, right? Lol

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Thirteen arrived in hospital the next day, after basically no sleep, looking pale and exhausted, with enormous dark circles below her eyes. Obviously, her appearance didn't go unnoticed by her colleagues. Her _ex_ boyfriend looked at her with a furrowed brow, but refrained from making any comments; Remy didn't know if because he was still angry at her, or because he had finally learned not to meddle in her business. With her boss, however, she didn't get that lucky.

"Thirty-one! It's not even twenty-four hours since you broke up with your boyfriend, and you're already back to girl-on-girl action? Now that's my girl! Or half-girl... Or lesbian... Whatever. Aren't you bringing you latest conquest here this time?"

"Not unless she develops a very rare disease. But she hasn't had a seizure for the whole night, so I don't think you'll meet her."

Seizing the moment of surprise on her boss's face, the intern sat down beside Taub. She had learned, over the time she had worked with House, that things went faster if she just answered his questions. If she could do it in a sarcastic way, that'd be even better. _'Wait... it was Cameron who taught me that! Damn, not even when I should be working I can stop thinking about her! Fuck you, Remy. You and your stupid heart. What a hideous time to find out you actually have one, huh?'_

Shaking those thoughts away, the brunette tried to focus on their case, something about a boy who would start sneezing uncontrollably whenever someone spoke the word "mail". The case itself, however, offered little help. Because, when House ordered them to think about everything related to "mail", what went by the young doctor's mind was _'Mailbox. Address. Home. Cameron showing up at mine yesterday. Oh, crap! Door. Locker. Cameron leaning on the locker beside me. Holy shit, stop it!'_

"I'll make a trip to the boy's home to verify whether he might be allergic so something close to his mailbox."

"Whoa, so eager to run away from here, are you? But please don't blame your bitterness on me: I've always told you that the real unlucky number was Foreteen. It's your fault you never listen to Papa Greg."

"Yeah, House, you were right. Now is your ego satisfied? Good, bye-bye."

Without waiting for an answer, the woman walked out of the hospital, proceeding to do her task. She came back mere two hours later, not having found anything on the kid's house, other that a little bit of mold. Instead of going directly to the diagnostic's office, however, she headed to the locker room to change her blouse, which was all muddy due to her laying on the ground close to the mailbox.

Opening her locker, a frown found its way to her beautiful (and usually calm) face. She was quite sure the folded piece of paper she could see on top of her stuff wasn't there last time she checked her locker. Grabbing the foreign object, she opened it slowly, still not having a clue about what could be contained in it.

_'If you don't want to see me, I'll respect you and try to keep out of your way. But that wont stop me from reminding you that I want you. It won't keep me from telling you that I do like you, and want to be with you.'_

There was no signature. But then again, none was necessary. Hadley knew exactly who had written that note. Would the older woman make it _that_ hard for her to forget her? She was already having a hard time doing it without the blonde's reminder; it only served to make her internal conflict worse. Was it actually possible that Cameron really liked her, really felt for her anything more than lust? And even if she did, would it be possible for them to be together? Would she hurt her?

The intern didn't think she could afford to find out. She didn't need any more pain in her life; she didn't need to _cause_ any more pain to anyone. Still, that note made her feel a wave of tenderness towards the older woman. Remy didn't think she could go through something like that herself, being told off over and over, and still trying. The ER head sure was insistent, and in the cutest possible way. Silently, the young doctor wished that, whomever her coworker was with, she could be happy. She definitely deserved that.

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**A/N:** So, for those wondering how Cameron's version if Tuesdays would be, here's how it starts! ;) What do you think of it?

Also... I don't even need to say that the boy's disease was completely made-up, do I? After all, I'm a law-student... don't expect me to know a thing about medicine. xD


	12. Chapter 12

Dr. Hadley didn't leave the hospital again until the evening of the next day. Not only had their patient continued sneezing uncontrollably, after House's torture session (in which, obviously, he only said the word "mail"), he had also started sneezing to other words which sounded like "mail" (for instance, "tail", "snail", "fail", and so on). The boy sneezed so much that his breathing became impaired, and in the end he had to be sedated.

After over twenty-four hours of hard, hard thinking, and testing all the possible allergy medicines, the team had come to the conclusion that it could only be psychological. They called Psych, but House didn't allow them to leave until the cause of his behavior had been explained. In the end, in regressive therapy, the doctor found out that once, as a very small kid, the boy had opened a very moldy mailbox, which had caused him to develop an allergic reaction and sneeze for days.

Having hardly slept for the last three days, Thirteen could barely keep her eyes open, even drinking cup after cup of coffee (of course, she drinks decaf...). She was actually afraid she'd sleep while driving home, but, fortunately, the intern could make it to her place in safety. Upon arriving at her door, however, the brunette stopped in her tracks. Placed over the rug in front of her doorstep was a single red rose, with a note. Lifting both objects, the woman brought the piece of paper closer to her eyes, trying to read it under the poor corridor light. Immediately, she noticed it was written in the form of a poem.

_'For every day, a small reminder/ for you to know that I don't lie/ and that my feelings are true. For you, I'll make myself even kinder/ because not a day goes by/ when I don't think of you.'_

The brunette didn't know what to feel, different emotions mixing up inside her. She couldn't deny the fact that Cameron definitely knew how to be sweet, in an absolutely endearing way; however, she knew she couldn't allow herself to feel that way towards the blonde. Thus, she tried to focus on her slight annoyance at the ER head's insistence. She had already made it quite clear that nothing would happen between them; couldn't the woman just accept her will and leave her alone?

Remy was afraid that, if she was really going to do that everyday, her resolution would falter. And that was enough to make her angry at the older doctor, for making it so hard for her to do the right thing. Turning around, the brunette looked for the closest trash bin in the corridor of her building, and threw both the note and and the flower in it.

Finally entering home, Thirteen realized all her sleepiness had, again, vanished. She started to fix herself some dinner, hoping the food would weigh on her stomach and help her sleep. She couldn't, however, lead her thoughts away from Allison. The duckling realized the pretty doctor's feelings would be hurt, if she knew her work had been thrown away. Remembering the occasion, two days before, when she had seen the blonde crying, Remy realized she didn't ever want to see that again. Before she even realized what she was doing, the brunette was already standing in front of the, thankfully empty, trash big, retrieving its only contents.

Going back with paper and rose in hand, the intern let herself fall onto the couch, with a deep sigh.

_'Damn, Cameron. What the hell are you doing to me?'_

She just held onto those objects, staring intently at every written word, as if to learn every twirl of the extremely feminine calligraphy, until her eyes closed on their own accord. She woke up the next day still on the couch, but laying down, with her shoes, the rose and the note resting on the floor close to her head. She didn't even remember having moved!

Her stomach hurled, and the brunette remembered she had actually slept without eating dinner the night before. After eating a good breakfast, Dr. Hadley readied herself for work. On her way to the hospital, she noticed her heart was beating a bit faster than usual. Searching her own self to try and figure out where that was coming from, the young doctor found her answer in a few moments: she was actually anxious to find out what a certain hot, blonde doctor had planned for that day. Chastising herself, the woman turned the radio on to occupy her mind. That couldn't be any, any good.

The day at the hospital was a slow one, with no new cases. Sensing that she might be sent to the ER if she was hanging around diagnostics, Thirteen rushed to the clinic. Boring as it might be, it was still better than facing Cameron. It also had the bonus of being slow work, something which she needed, since the hours she had slept the previous night hadn't been nearly enough for her to recover her energies.

Once her working hours were over, the brunette grabbed her stuff and headed to her car, planning, maybe, to hit a club or something similar. She couldn't help but feel a bit disappointed when she opened her locker and did not find anything different in it. She wondered if Allison had already lost interest in her. Maybe it was for the better; still, she felt hurt.

Her disappointment didn't last long, though. Reaching her car, she noticed a small package sitting on top of it. Her hear leapt as she reached for it and tore the brown paper to find out what was beneath it. One of her eyebrows shot up when she saw the content of the package: a donut. A chocolate-coated one, with colorful sprinkles, but still, a donut.

_'Really, Cameron? And no note this time?'_

The young doctor was certainly intrigued. The previous "reminders", as she was now calling them in her head, all had something written, and had been obviously romantic to the point of being cheesy. A donut, however, wasn't exactly romantic. Lifting the object, however, Remy found that there was, in fact, something scribbled on the brown paper. The woman couldn't read it under the week parking lot illumination; thus, she entered her car, holding the donut in one hand and the paper in the other.

_'Just a little something to give your lips something sweet to taste – since you won't allow mine to touch them.'_

The intern immediately felt her mouth water at her coworker's suggestion. _'Crap, that is practically brainwashing! And then she tells me she's not a tease...'_

To tell the truth, the young woman was actually starting to enjoy those little surprises. And that was exactly what scared her the most. She should be pissed, annoyed, irate. But she wasn't. She couldn't keep the blonde out of her mind, and that wasn't nearly as bothering as it had been just a few days before. Allison Cameron was really starting to melt her way to Thirteen's heart, and that didn't go by unnoticed by the duckling.

She had to do something about it. She knew, she just knew things would never work out for her; her life was messed up like that. Why put herself in for more drama? She was loosing focus of her intention to keep away from the ER head, and it was all the other woman's fault. There was no way she would be able to keep her resolution facing those "reminders" every day.

The brunette knew what she had to do, and also knew it had to be done fast, at that exact moment, as that was when she was lucid enough not to let herself be taken over by emotions. Getting up from her carseat, she walked back into the hospital. Asking for a pen and a piece of paper at the front desk, she started to write furiously onto it.

**A/N: **Hey, everyone! Sorry for taking so long to update (again!). My life's been a bit crazy lately. Hopefully, it'll get better in a month or so, once the Uni year is over. =)

I hope you like this chap. Again, the boy's disease was made up, and so was the explanation. LOL

Cameron's extra cheesy, I know... I hope it doesn't annoy you or anything. LOL

Also, **Vanamo**, did you like the donut reference? LOL

If you want a minor **spoiler** for next chapter... expect some drama. XD


	13. Chapter 13

'_I can't keep doing this. It's not fair to either of them!'_

Cameron was pacing back and forth in her living room, one hand running through her hair, the other loosely covering her mouth. She knew she had a decision to make; she didn't know which the right choice was. She knew, however, that she couldn't keep courting someone while married to someone else. It wouldn't be fair to Remy, who'd think of herself as being only a distraction, and it wouldn't be fair to her husband either.

At the present moment, Chase was completely oblivious to the fact that his wife was not interested on him anymore. They had barely spent any time together in the last 10 days, their shifts almost never coinciding. Little did he know, Allison had checked his and changed hers, exactly so that she wouldn't have to face him. Needless to say, they hadn't been intimate with each other since the night of the barbecue. The blonde had been absolutely disgusted after that time, but she couldn't tell whether it was of him for just getting into their bed and taking her, of herself for cheating and then having sex with her husband as if nothing had happened, or of the fact that, during the whole act, it was the brunette doctor she was thinking about.

For most people, the right thing to do would be simply forgetting she'd ever been with Dr. Hadley, and trying to be happy and with her husband, eventually learning how to really love him. Still, that would be cheating her own heart. That wasn't what she wanted. She wanted Remy so bad that it was even physically painful. Thus, the other right thing would be leaving him to be with her.

Allison knew she should have already taken that step. The problem, beside the fact that she was afraid of how her husband would take it, was that she still hadn't received any sign that the brunette would actually take her. Which meant that she could end up without any of them. She could end up alone, which would be exactly what she had tried to avoid by marrying the Australian doctor in the first place.

'_You're being a coward, Allison! Having your husband simply as a second option, and intending to leave him as soon as a certain someone waves her pretty little hand. That's manipulation on its lower level, and you can't act like this anymore.'_

Making up her mind, the blonde picked up her cell phone and dialed a number she knew by heart.

"Chase… Robert, can you come home soon? I… I sort of need to talk to you."

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~

Nearly four hours later, Cameron left her condo and entered her car. Looking herself briefly in the mirror, she sighed. _'I look like crap'._ Indeed, she did. Her hair was completely disheveled, from the many and many times she had run her hand through it, as if attempting to think better. Her eyes were puffy from all the crying she had done; her lips were red and swollen, her face had red blotches all over it. Her throat was sore from all the yelling, and she felt tired, as she had never felt before. All she wanted was to curl up in bed and cry, but she couldn't do it.

The couple had agreed that she'd spend the night and the next day outside their apartment, to give Robert enough time to move his things out. When she came back the next evening, he'd be gone. Of course, Chase hadn't taken the news that his wife wanted a divorce very well. At first, he hadn't even believed his own ears. He had only started believing when Allison had told him about the reasons she had been with him in the first place, and said she didn't think it fair for him to be with someone who was just using him to avoid loneliness.

At this point, he had started begging. He said he didn't care that she didn't love him; he always suspected that, anyway. He just wanted to be with her, that was enough. Still, that hadn't changed her mind. Then, he had tried to guilt-trip her, by telling her that she couldn't leave him after all he had done for her, after all the time he spent pursuing her, after all the times he had forgiven her lack of commitment to their relationship.

When that didn't work as well, he had demanded more reasons for her sudden decision. Cameron knew she'd never be able to sleep at night if she didn't tell him what he wanted to know. So she had confessed her love for Thirteen. The woman never told him they had slept together already; she knew that would humiliate him more than anything else. He was already hurt enough as things were.

That was when he had started yelling. That was when he had started calling her ugly and depreciative names. She had yelled back, trying to make him see that it wasn't anything he had done, and that she hadn't intended it to happen, either; trying to make him realize you can't force someone to love you, and that she didn't love him. That was when he had gotten so close to hitting her that even Allison thought he'd do it. She thought she'd deserve it if he did; but he didn't. Instead, he had changed from irate to unbelievably calm in a matter of seconds. He had simply backed away from her, taken a deep breath and proposed the agreement.

Still shaking, the female doctor had gathered just a few things she might need the next day, as fast as she could. Chase stayed waiting in the living room, and that was his time to pace back and forth. When his wife had emerged from their bedroom, all they did was look one last time into each other's eyes, without any more words to say. It was Cameron who broke the interaction, by walking to the front door and leaving, after saying simply _'Goodbye, Robert… I'm sorry. For everything.'_

Now, the woman sat in her car, thinking about where to go. She knew she should look for some hotel to sleep in, but she felt too miserable to do that; she didn't want any clerk to see her that way, either. Making up her mind, she headed back to PPTH. If she was lucky enough, she could still find Remy in there.

Reaching the hospital, Allison walked straight to the diagnostics office, trying to keep away from curious eyes. However, she found the office completely empty, dark, and already locked for the day. One thing called her attention, though: there was a piece of paper pasted to the glass door by adhesive tape. Curiosity got the best of the blonde. Reaching for the paper, Cameron opened it, realizing it was a handwritten note which said: _'House, I quit.__ I know you'll die to know my motives, so that's exactly why I'm not going to explain myself. I must say I did enjoy the thrill, though. There's no __need for a recommendation letter__, Cuddy gave me one already. Goodbye. -13'_


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: **Is it a bird? Is it an airplane? Is it Superman? No!!! It's Amazon Life updating this story! LOL (Ok, don't mind me. It's 3 am and I'm hyper. And I have to be up in…5 hours? Yeah, something like that. But I can't sleep. Ah, well.)

Oh, btw, this obviously goes entirely unchecked. Lol If you spot any mistakes, let me know and I'll fix 'em. Kthxbye.

* * *

Remy drove home as fast as she could, not even paying attention to the speed limits. She could feel her heart racing in her chest, but couldn't say if it was out of anger, fear, or simply because of the adrenaline rush she was on due to the hasty decision she had just made. After all, she had just walked out of an amazingly good job, without having any other job offer in tow, because of a woman. She knew she was either extremely brave, or extremely coward, and her opinion about herself fluctuated between these two extremes almost as quickly as the breaths she was taking.

The young doctor had no idea about what she'd do from that moment on. She'd obviously have to look for another job, and hope the money she'd receive would be enough to maintain her until she found one. She didn't know where to look, though. Mercy'd be the closest, but the doctors there were always in touch with the ones in PPTH.

The idea of moving somewhere far away suddenly seemed excellent. Maybe, she could start a new life. It's not like she had that many friends and loved ones, anyway; and the ones she did have could stay in touch by other means. After all, her crazy schedule as a doctor already made it really hard to find the time to meet people in person.

The West Coast, probably California, was as good a choice as she could get, the woman mused to herself. Very slim chances of anyone knowing her or anyone she knew. Even lesser chances of anyone knowing about her disease. She could almost pretend like it didn't exist. That is, until the day she'd start showing symptoms. But when that day came, it'd already be too late to live. Before that, she could as well seize the little time she had and have a little fun.

That last thought clicked something inside the brunette's head. _'If what I want is to have fun, why wait until I am in the West Coast?' _Turning the steering wheel, Thirteen changed the direction her car was taking, and headed to a place she hadn't been at since she had started seeing Foreman.

* * *

Allison stared at the piece of paper in her hands, unable to believe what she had just read. She had made the hardest decision of her life, she had hurt a man who had never been anything other than kind to her, to try her chance with Remy. And that chance had been blown away by four short sentences scribbled on an unlined white paper.

Shifting herself, the blonde rested her back on the glass wall, banging her head on it repeatedly. Her hands were clenched in fists, the paper now completely crumbled. Hot tears streamed down her face, the tiredness she felt after such a long day and the fear of what was to come, mixed with the anger and frustration of plans gone wrong, plus the rejection she had received from the woman she was so desperately seeking, finally catching up with her.

The tears quickly turned into sobs, and the woman felt herself sliding on the wall until she reached the floor. Hugging her knees, she hid her face between them, not caring if anyone would see her like that. No-one passed by, giving her enough time to calm down and recompose herself, which, in the state she was, took her nearly an hour.

Forcing herself to take deep breaths, Cameron put her head to work. She had very urgent things to solve; finding a place to spend the night would already be a good start. The doctor scanned her mind for all the hotels nearby, while walking towards her car. Starting it, however, she realized there was no way she'd be able to get any sleep, or any peace of mind at all, without speaking to Remy.

She knew she had promised to stay away, at least physically, and she had fought to keep her promise, hard as it had been, for the last few days. But this was too much to ask of her. This wasn't trying to impress her anymore; this was being faced by the concrete possibility of not seeing her again; and it was more than she could take without really doing something. Starting her car, Allison drove to the condo she had already visited three times in the previous days.

Upon reaching her destination, the woman rung the doorbell a few times. No answer came, and, after waiting for a few seconds, the blonde repeated the action. The thought of the intern not being home scared her a bit, but she rationalized that there was no way Thirteen could have moved out already. Putting what she had learned during her fellowship with House into action, she started looking around for a spare key, and actually found one just above the doorframe.

Letting herself in, the doctor sat down on the couch. On a second thought, though, she decided to lie down. Her day had been so stressful and tiring that she could use some rest. Her eyes felt heavy from both sleep and shed tears, so the woman decided to close them for just a moment. Needless to say, she was asleep in less than a minute.

Cameron was awaken about two hours later, by the sound of the front door being jerked open. Adjusting her eyes to the light she had turned on when entering the place, she could see two feminine figures standing in the doorway, limbs tangled, stopped mid-action in their making out session by the surprise of seeing the light on and someone else there. Blinking a few more times, the blonde remembered where she was, and sat up quickly, never taking her eyes off the other two women.

Freeing herself from the other blonde woman holding her, Thirteen led her in, closing the door after them. Her words were not directed at the girl, though.

"Allison, what the fuck are you doing here?" Her words were clearly slurred, and the ER attendant wondered how much she'd had to drink. By the looks of her companion, who was absentmindedly walking around the place, Allison imagined that one was even worse, since she could barely take two steps without stumbling.

"You quit… Why did you do that?"

"Because of you, damn! Because of your stupid reminders and your fucking husband!" Remy's voice was loud and vibrant, contrasting with Cameron's quiet and still raspy one. Her face was red with anger, and the intensity of her gaze once more scared the older woman. She was seeing sides of the intern's personality that were completely unknown to everyone else they worked with. However, she wasn't the only one scared by the younger doctor's outburst.

"Uhm, can I go home? We're not really, uh, doing anything, are we?"

Hadley had actually forgotten she had company the moment she set eyes on the blonde woman on her couch. Shaking her head as to clear her thoughts, she headed towards the door, holding it open.

"No, we're not. I'm sorry. Catch a cab home."

Finally alone, the two doctors stared at each other. It was Thirteen, again, who broke the silence. "You should go home too. I left my job not to see you anymore, didn't you get the hint?"

Getting up, Allison walked towards her companion, stopping less than a step away from her. Looking into the intern's blue eyes, she tried to see something, anything that indicated to her that she was lying, or even that she was not, but she found nothing but coldness. Her own, on the other hand, were a mirror of her emotions: tired and disappointed and, more than anything, hurt. When she spoke, her voice was barely louder than a whisper.

"Why do you hate me so much? I like you so much… I – I just want a chance! I can't even go back home, I left my husband for you!"

The brunette's eyes widened at what she heard. The surprise was so great that she could neatly feel the effects of all the alcohol she had ingested fade away. "You did _what_?"

"I left him, Remy. I told him it's you I want to be with. I fucking left him to be with you, and you're running away! Haven't I proved myself enough? I'm not using you; I'm not playing you… why can't you believe that?"

The younger woman didn't have an answer for that. Because, as much as she had avoided that, she was actually starting to believe Cameron. Especially after that last piece of news. So, instead of answering, she did the only thing she could think of at the time: closing the distance between them, Thirteen pushed the older woman closer by her hips, smashing their lips together.

* * *

**A/N: **See, I'm not that evil now, am I? XD I've been giving you so much drama in all my stories (one-shot included! Lol) That I decided one kiss wouldn't kill me. Lol Thank my gf for that, she's the one making me softer. XD


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N: **Hi, my dear, dear readers!

So, here's one more chap, and I should warn you that this is a songbased one. The song is _'Chocolate'_, and it belongs to the always amazing Snow Patrol. I highly suggest you checking it out, firstly because it's a great song, and secondly because it'll help you feel the mood I wanted to set for the chapter.

Oh, and I'm squeeing right now, because I've been planning to use this specific song in this story for a very long time, and now the moment has come. XD As always, don't mind me, I'm silly.

Also, I am aware of the fact that the story is 3rd person and the song is 1st, but I don't want to change the whole story, and I couldn't change the song even if I wanted to (which I don't). So I'm trusting my readers' brilliance to bear with it and understand what I'm writing anyway. I'm sure you can just ignore the confusing combination. XD Still, if it ends up being too confusing, I'm sorry. o.O

* * *

Both women stood in the middle of the living room, lips crashing madly against each other, hands groping for whatever flesh they could reach, bodies pressed closed onto each other, as if trying to close and forget both the physical and the emotional distance between them.

For Allison, it was relief. It was like being rescued and cared to and told everything would be fine, after being lost and scared and lonely for way too long. It was bliss, and if she was crying (which she wasn't sure she was, but she could as well be), the tears were those of pure joy. It was knowing she had finally made one right choice in her life.

For Remy, it was redemption. It was like giving in to temptation, after having resisted for longer than she thought she would be able to, and actually realizing there was nothing bad or wrong about it. It was realizing that punishing herself might be righteous and selfless, but bending to her heart's contempt didn't make her a monster. It was allowing herself to feel what she really felt, and not what she thought she _should_ feel. It was knowing that it was wrong, but enjoying it nonetheless.

_This could be the very minute  
I'm aware I'm alive  
All these places feel like home_

Actually, it wasn't _like_ giving in. It was literally giving in to the one of the sides of the debate that had occupied her mind for so many years. Side #1 was being with someone you don't give a damn about, because they can't hurt you and you don't care if you hurt them; easy, but it won't fulfill you. Side #2 was being with someone you care deeply about, someone who could possibly hurt you, and someone who could make you miserable if you ever hurt them; extremely fulfilling, but potentially dangerous, and tricky as hell.

At that exact moment, she had switched sides. She heard her blonde companion whispering her nickname between their kisses, and it made her feel all tingly inside. And that made her realize she had no clue on how to act in this whole new point of view about life. It was as if her life was starting over.

_With a name I'd never chosen  
I can make my first steps  
As a child of 25_

And there was no one she'd rather have for a guide than Allison Cameron. No one could teach her better how to open up and get involved and _feel_. In fact, the older woman was doing that just now, running her fingers up and down the brunette's torso, beneath her blouse, making the intern shiver at every touch. That wasn't the usual: Thirteen rarely allowed anyone to touch her that freely. She'd rather be the one controlling were the hands, legs, fingers and lips went.

With Cameron, however, all that command felt unnecessary, and even unwanted. Because, differently from the first time they had been together, she was no longer trying to hide behind the womanizer mask. She wasn't trying to pretend all she wanted was good sex anymore. Allowing the other woman to touch her as she wanted, she was trusting her not only with her body, but with her feelings as well.

The head of the ER, on her turn, could barely believe that was really happening. She barely had any oxygen left, but she didn't want to break away, for fear that it'd all be over once she did. For fear that the younger doctor would once more send her away. Or worse, for fear that she would wake up on the other woman's couch and realize she had been dreaming.

Tugging at the end of the duckling's blouse, she pulled it up her head, taking to opportunity to breathe. She felt the cloth between her fingers as she tossed the item away, and thought to herself that she wouldn't be having such vivid sensations if it were a dream. Would she? Again she attacked her lips, working her tongue between them. She was vaguely aware of being pushed in an unknown direction, which she imagined to be Remy's bedroom, but couldn't be too sure, since she'd never made it past the living room.

Her suspicions were confirmed a minute later, when her legs bumped on something that could only be a bed. Stopping, Thirteen distanced herself from her companion, but just barely enough to fix the fact that, except from her discarded blouse, the two of them were still fully clothed. Her expert fingers quickly removed the older woman's top and unhooked her bra, moving to her jeans shortly after and undoing all the damn four buttons, in order to pull in down, together with her underwear.

The sight of Allison completely naked in front of her was what it took for her to momentarily forget her task. Marveling at the other doctor's body, she barely breathed, and all she could do was stare. The blonde blushed under that look, and took one step closer to undo the interns pants, hoping to take the attention away from her. That had the desired effect: once both women were free from their clothing, Remy walked toward the bed and lay down, carefully pulling the slightly smaller woman on top of her.

For once in her life, the younger woman did not hurry. Instead, she took her time to work on her lover, reveling in every gasp and every moan she received from her. For once in her life, she didn't care about her 'score'. For once, all she cared was about _making love_ to her.

It's true, they didn't really _love _each other; not yet, anyways. Both women knew that; both women knew that they didn't even know each other enough for that. But both also knew that they wanted to; they wanted to get to know each other and be with each other and take care of each other and, yes, grow to love each other. But, when you think about it, isn't that already some sort of love?

And, at that moment, they were finally on the same level of admitting that. Another proof of that was the fact that, although working very hard to please the blonde, Thirteen still allowed herself to be pleased as well. And yet another was that Cameron tried to do it, even not knowing exactly how. Her efforts proved to be completely fruitful, however, quite a few times during that night.

Finally, as the sun was rising, they slept, naked and sweaty and exhausted and huddled onto each other. It was already well into the afternoon when Remy woke up, the sun coming in rays through the open curtains, straight over her face. Turning her face to escape the unwanted light, she saw the other woman still sleeping on her bed. Her face was peaceful, blissful even. She looked so kind, so loving, so innocent, so_ fragile_. '_Like I could break her'_, the intern thought to herself.

_What have I done - it's too late for that  
What have I become - truth is nothing yet  
A simple mistake starts the hardest time_

In fact, she could actually break her. She could easily break her, and she probably would. Except... she couldn't. She couldn't break her. She couldn't allow herself to. Now that she was sober and awake and thinking clearly... she couldn't.

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~

**A/N:** Don't kill me... yet. XD There's still more to come. For better... and for worse. *reaches for shield* No, seriously. This fic is probably going to be over very, very soon (one or two chapters maximum), but there are still a few surprises.

If you want spoilers, look for them in the song lyrics (especially, of course, in the part that I didn't yet use. XD). I dare you to guess how I'm interpreting and using them. :D Come on, make your bets! :P


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N: Warning! **M-rated chapter again!

Because of the _language_, you pervs! LOL

* * *

Thirteen felt the rhythm of her heartbeats quickly increasing, as it all downed on her: what she had been avoiding with all her strength for the last few days, why she had been avoiding it, what she had done the previous night and, mostly, the consequences of her actions.

In her drunken state, she had mostly thought about herself. She had cared about whether _she_ would be hurt by Cameron. She'd decided she could take that risk; the older woman's arguments were so plausible (at least at that moment) that she was actually convinced things could be different that time. After all the blonde's efforts to gain her trust, including, and especially, leaving her husband to be with her, she had thought it was okay to take that leap of faith.

The thought of _her_ hurting Cameron just passed briefly by her mind, being quickly abandoned in favor of the rush of excitement she was feeling, the rush of life invading her with every kiss, with every touch.

But at that posterior moment, that hypothesis felt very real. The probability of hurting the beautiful creature that lay beside her was overwhelming, and there was no way she could avoid thinking about it. In fact, there was no way she could even try to convince herself that she wouldn't. The more she considered it, the more she was sure that it was inescapable.

And with that came the guilt. The guilt of knowing Allison had ruined her marriage to prove herself to her, only to be crushed either by her inability to have a stable relationship or by her disease. All Remy could think of was how she could never, ever have let that happen.

And it was all her fault that it had. Because, had she not accepted Cameron's ride home in the first place, or had she not flirted with her, or had she not fucked her, for Christ's sake... nothing of that would have happened. So, yes, it was her own fault that they were in that situation. It was her fault that the blonde would undoubtedly suffer in the end, one way or another. And the worst part was that she had known, she had just _known_ things would happen this exact way, since the very start. Still, there were no words to describe how bad she felt for it all.

_Goodness knows I saw it coming_

_Or at least I'll claim I did_

_But in truth I'm lost for words_

Yet, the young doctor didn't even have to think much to realize what the right thing to do would be. She knew the answer even before the question was asked. She had to get the hell away from Cameron. Actually, she had to convince the ER doctor to get the hell away from her. Even if she had to hurt her to get that. It wouldn't be nearly as bad as hurting her later on.

Problem was: that would be unbelievably hard to do. It would be literally fighting against herself. First, because all she wanted was to have the other woman with her; and second, because she already cared for her much more than she'd like to, meaning it wouldn't be any easy to hurt her and still maintain a cool, unfazed appearance, as she'd have to, if she wanted to sound convincing.

She also knew exactly what she'd have to use to reach her goal, so she knew it wouldn't be pretty. She knew it would be low and insensitive and just plain cruel; that was the whole point of it, after all. Still, her heart ached.

Looking at the still sleeping figure next to her, admiring the soft contours of her face, Thirteen felt her heart break into pieces. _'Haven't I learned already that I'm meant to be alone? Haven't I seen what being with someone like me does to everyone around? Haven't I lived through it, to know it can't end well? That's just what I get for being stubborn'._

In her mind, that was the price she was paying for deluding herself, for hoping, for trying. That was the price for ever thinking she could have a life. For ever imagining there could be a happy ending in store for her.

Suddenly, all the pain accumulated inside her was too much to be kept inside. In one minute, her face was dry and smooth; in the next, a dozen tears were gushing from her eyes, accompanied by uncontrollable sobbing. The noise was so loud, contrasting with the previous quietness, that it disturbed Allison in her sleep. She woke up with a start and nearly jumped out of bed, but was even more surprised once she realized what the noise was.

Blinking a few times to send the sleep away from her eyes, the slightly smaller woman scooted herself in bed until she was closer to her companion, their faces almost touching. Remy had brought her hands up to cover her face, consequently being oblivious to the fact that her lover had woken up, and too self-involved to notice any movement around her. Thus, she was startled by the blonde's gentle touch on her shoulder.

Gasping, she opened her eyes and removed her hands, to confirm that her coworker was, indeed, awake. What she saw just made everything worse, for in the older woman's eyes was an expression or concern, of worry, of extreme tenderness. It was everything she had ever wanted. And she was about to throw it away.

"Remy," the woman called softly, her voice still gruff from sleep, and barely above a whisper, "what's wrong?"

The younger doctor was still crying too much to speak, in spite of her efforts to snap out of it. Plus, she wouldn't really know what to say. So, after realizing she was not going to receive an answer from her companion, Allison decided to just give her some time to calm down. To help the process, she scooted even closer, bringing her forehead to rest on Thirteen's and sliding an arm around her waist to rest on the small of her back, effectively pulling the intern's naked body against hers.

That intimate gesture, the sensation of warm skin against hers was actually what brought the brunette out of her emotional cocoon and back to rationality, contradictory as it might seem. Freeing herself from her coworker's arms with a brusque movement, she rolled to the side and got up from the bed in a quick, swift motion. She stood for a few minutes, not caring about being completely undressed. Her back was turned to Cameron and she was completely still but for her hands, which ran through her hair over and over again.

When she finally faced her counterpart, her face was expressionless once again, her eyes cold as ice. Allison had sat up on the bed and was covering herself awkwardly with the bed sheets. As soon as she saw the look on her companion's face, she knew what was about to come. Her breath got caught in her throat, her heart thumping faster and faster inside her chest. Her face contorted with anguish.

"Remy, please..."

"You should go."

"No! You can't do this!"

The blonde lunged herself forward, tripping on the linen that had been around and almost falling face flat on the floor. Instead of helping her keep her balance, the taller doctor simply took one step back, to get out of her way and avoid touching her. If Cameron could have looked more outraged at the duckling's coldness, she would have.

"I can do whatever I want. Now please, get out. Just... just get out of here, Cameron."

"But... last night, I thought... why? Why did you do it? Why are you being like this?"

Once more, the head of the ER tried to reach the younger doctor. Once more, Thirteen moved back. Not far away, just one step, but it was enough to convey her message.

_This is the straw, final straw in the_

_Roof of my mouth as I lie to you_

_Just because I'm sorry doesn't mean_

_I didn't enjoy it at the time_

"Whatever it is that you thought, you thought wrong. I was drunk, and you were here. And you're hot. And I had just lost the chance of getting it on with another hot blonde. I know it wasn't morally correct, and I'm sorry, but that was all it was. It was quite good, though, wasn't it? I certainly did enjoy my-"

The brunette was cut off by a sharp slap on her cheek. It came fast and hard, giving her no time to move or deflect it. Not that she would have tried to; for all she knew, she deserved that one and many more. She resisted the urge to bring a hand up to cup the affected area, considering that pain also as part of her punishment.

Truly looking inside her coworker's eyes for the first time since she had risen from the bed, Remy saw sheer fury. So much so that, for a second, she was afraid. She couldn't help but thinking that was an emotion that definitely did not sit well with Allison. Still, at the same time that it hurt her to know all that anger was directed at her, it was also somewhat comforting. It meant that her plan had worked.

The older woman, on her turn, was herself shocked at her own action. She could barely believe she had hit someone. True, she could also barely believe that her dream had turned into a nightmare in a matter of seconds. She could barely believe she had been utterly used and discarded, by the very person she had worked so hard to captivate.

She had been rejected and sent away several times before, a good number of them in the last few days, and she had silenced her thoughts and feelings in each of them, meekly accepting Thirteen's choices. But none of those times had been like that one. That one was just the droplet of water that made her cup overflow. There was no way she could keep being the nice girl after being abused that way.

"You know what? Fuck you, Remy Hadley! Fuck you! You think you're too good for everyone around you, don't you? You think you're doing us all a favor for as much as breathing the same air as we do. But do you wanna know what you really are? You're a bitch. You're a cold, manipulative, emotionless bitch. And you're a coward. You want to pretend that you're self-confident and everything, but you're the biggest coward I've ever seen. _I_ was brave enough to fucking leave my husband to be with you, whereas _you _don't even have the guts to allow someone to get close to you. You're not worth any of it, any of the things I've done for you. You're not worth suffering over. You're not worth a single thing."

The younger woman remained rooted to the ground as her companion yelled at her, focused with all she had on not letting her tears fall down. She made absolutely no move as Cameron walked around the room collecting her belongings and getting dressed as fast as she could. She remained still as a statue as the blonde left the room and walked towards the living room and the front door. She knew any movement she made would cause her to break down.

When she finally heard the sound of a door being slammed shut, the intern allowed herself to breathe. Throwing herself face-forward on the bed, Remy finally let herself succumb to her own emotions, those unbelievably strong and deep emotions that she had been holding back with all her strength for what felt like an eternity. Hugging a pillow, the doctor resumed her crying and sobbing session that had been interrupted less than an hour ago, however with much more intensity now. Still, in spite of the pain, there was something calming her down: the knowledge that it was over. All the confusion, the internal fights, the temptation... It was all over. For good.

* * *

**A/N: **Dun dun dun dun... Suspense! :D

I'm sorry for, once more, having taken so long to update. Please, forgive me. For both the delay and the chapter itself, since I know many of you won't be happy with it. Well, what can I say? At least I'm giving you the longest chapter yet. XD

The prediction I did last chapter was accurate, which means this is coming to an end. Next chapter should wrap things up, and that'll be it.

Thoughts, anyone? Comments? Guesses on how it'll end? XD


	17. Epilogue

**This is an Author's Note... but also an Epilogue of sorts.**

I know you are all most likely going to kill me for this... but this story is finished. I know I said there'd still be one or two chapters left, and honestly I even had them all but planned out in my head, and just didn't have the motivation to write them down due to several hundred and one things that happened in my life during the last year. And I swear to you... I intended to to make everything right between them. Maybe not in the sappy romantic way you were all probably expecting from me, judging by how all my other stories have ended so far... but I did intend to give them a new start, WITH each other; I did intend to make Remy change her mind, and decide to try it. I did intend to make it all be alright; that's what I had in mind ever since I started writing this story in July, 2009. But it can't be.

This story has always been my fic baby. It is by far the longest thing I have ever written. It has always been my favorite to write, the one whose words flowed more easily out of me. It has always been my favorite out of everything that I've written so far. Most likely because there was so much of me here; there were so many of my feelings and so much of my heart and so much of my fights here. Especially, there was so much of me in the way I wrote Cameron here. And it's funny how life sometimes mimics art... because when I started writing this, hell, when I STOPPED writing this in June last year, I had never fought this much for a relationship. I had never fought as much as Cameron did here for someone, for someone's love. But after I stopped writing it, I did. And only later, rereading this story after months and trying to figure out what to do with it, I realized that... I actually reacted almost the same way. I fought almost the same way as Cameron did. I did all I could as well... but there was no happy ending for me. In fact... my ending was pretty similar to this one, to this last chapter and to the feelings portrayed in it, which I just today realized, because I just today reached the point of being so overwhelmed that all I could do was attack... which I thoroughly regret. So... that's how this is going to be. That's how this is going to stay. Maybe later I'll come back and "fix" it and put them back together? Yeah, maybe... Maybe reality will become too hard to accept and I'll resort to fairy tales in a while. We'll have to see. But for now... I really like the idea of leaving it as realistic as it can be. This story has my name written all over it; it doesn't feel right to change the ending.

I am very sorry to all of you who were expecting a happy ending. I am very sorry to all of you who are probably disappointed with me and with this ending. I am very sorry.

But when it feels like all is falling apart and you're losing everything, it helps to take hold of something that's yours, that's uniquely yours, and make it even more yours than it already is by admitting it's yours. This is literally MY story. And this is how it ends.

And now I'm going to sound like an 80 year old lady, but if I may leave you with a message to think about, here it is: Sometimes, when you're afraid of hurting someone and thus decide to not be completely honest with them to protect them from being hurt... THAT'S when you hurt them the most. That's when you make them feel like they not only deserve that hurt, but do NOT deserve your honesty or your respect. So learn from it, dear readers.

Last but not least... this story is for you. Yes, you. I'm not sure if you even read these stories anymore, and I'm even less sure if you'll read mine after all this time, and after everything. But this story is for you. My Remy. My little coward... that I want to hate SO much, but can't help but love. But worry not... my love is my own, and as such I'll keep it to myself. I wish you all the very best in this world.

**To all of you who read, reviewed, commented on it, gave me suggestions, encouraged me along the way, asked for updates, gave me motivation to write, etc., a big THANK YOU. Especially for those of you who'll read this even after 10 months without updates. You guys get special cookies.**

**And thank YOU as well. For everything. I'm sorry.**


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